The Worst Things EVER and What I have to say!

A list of the worst things ever, compiled from my mind and the internet.

1.) I'd rather have my entire body wet than just my socks.
2.) It'd feel better if an elephant shit on me than it does to wake up sweating.
3.) The worst thing ever is when you're in the middle of an argument and realize you're wrong
4.) How do you fold a fitted sheet?
5.) Mapquest needs to start on #5, I can get out of my neighborhood
6.) Stop making new music and movie devices, i'm sick of restarting my collection
7.) I hate when word asks if I want to save any changes when I definitely didn't change anything.
8.) Do not machine wash or machine dry means I will never wash it.
9.) When I call you back right away, and you don't answer, where the fuck did you go?
10.) When I text you and you call me... clearly I dont wanna talk, i want to fucking text.
11.) I save some peoples numbers, just so I know to ignore them.
12.) The only time I like red lights is when I need to text
13.) I don't know the difference between boredom and hunger.
14.) Don't make me watch this fucking youtube video. please. do not.
15.) Hi asshole, I held the door for you, how about a thank you, you motherfucker.
16.) I smiled... or said hi... the least you could do is smile or say hi back dipshit.
17.) How many times is it okay to say what before I just smile and nod my head because I still didn't hear you.
18.) I texted you... i definitely never got a reply.
19.) I hate my spastic attacks when I lean my chair back a little too far.
20.) When I'm walking, I hate drivers, when I'm driving, I hate walkers, no matter what, I always hate the guy on the bike.
21.) I hate when I can't remember who just texted me... what time it is... or what someones name is right after they tell it to me.
22.) Don't stare at me bitch, i'll stare back
23.) You're kid is not mentally accelerated, every parent thinks there kid is the smartest fucking 4 year old ever. Well guess what? chances are they will end up retarded, a drug addict, a complete dipshit, or the worst two things a person can be... a fat republican.
24.) No you're baby is not cute, you pushed it out of your cunt and it looks like a goddamn goblin.
25.) no youre baby is not smiling, 1.) it doesn't have fucking teeth, just like metheads, babies are incapable of smiling. 2.) two, it's fucking preparing it's next shot at projectile vomiting and hitting your still recently pregnant fatass.
26.) Wow you named your 14th and 15th children Bonquisha and Mercedez, was the name "I'm going to grow up, have 7 children, live off the government, and suck dick for crack" already taken?
27.) You just cut me off, will you now speed the fuck up!?!
28.) Hi... Nice turn signal cuntface.
29.) Don't ask me if you can come, I would have invited you if I had wanted you to come.
30.) No you may not use my chapstick you aids infested gutter slut.
31.) WOW! you're at mcdonalds! because you don't already weigh 300lbs or anything.
32.) Abortions are necessary to prevent people like you from ever reproducing.
33.) Don't say you love that band, you know the song from that commercial.
34.) Hey douche-rocket. I believe I was in line first, I'm definitely spitting on your sweater without you noticing.
35.) Don't be a bitch waitress to me, that's why I keep pennies in my wallet.
36.) Don't tell me smoking causes cancer, I should be telling you "remarks cause broken noses"
37.) Wear a helmet, you're on a motorcycle.
38.) You're wearing Ed Hardy, were you trying to dress up as a candy wrapper today?
40.) "Thanks for having me over!" Funny... I don't remember inviting you.
41.) Don't ask me for a cig... the 100th time this week.
42.) You're 12... stop flashing your newly acquired pubic hair and nonexistent tits.
43.) I have to take the elevator to the 15th floor, and you press floor two... really you sad fatass motherfucker?
44.) Okay so you were walking two seconds ago, why did you decide to stop right in front of me?
45.) Don't tell me what to do, if I felt like doing what you're telling me to do, i'd already be doing it.

My life in a nutshell.

Time: 10:30pm
Day: Sunday 12/12/2010
Where: Taco Bell Parking Lot

There I sat... with Heather Held, in the taco bell parking lot. Listening to Blink 182, and eating my Mexican Pizza. This is my life in a nutshell. We were also sitting on a curb...

Madtown nights 4, and goodbye :(

Ok saturday was the big night!!! the fucking huge night!!!!! OK GO was playing and i was with all my best friends, at one of the biggest halloween parties in the US!!!!!! crazy shit was about to go down!!!! and since I was sober (obviously), I was left to deal with the drunk ass motherfuckers.... Its now been a week so my memory is already blurred (what can I say, I was an alcoholic back in the day, my brain is ruined) but basically, the only story that matters is DETOX WINEHOUSE ENDED UP IN DETOX! and before that mystique buttslut, and I had to carry her back to her dorm! thats a fucking joke! oh and drunken bamf, she was pissed and hit our dear friend, as well as a random guy!!!!!! the night was craziness.


Goodbye day and night was hard... really fucking hard. I love each and every person I was with that weekend dearly, and goodbyes are always hard. Especially when youre me, because I can't seem to sit the fuck still and settle the fuck down. I always have to be moving around. I don't know why I do this. As bruce springsteen would say, BABY I WAS BORN TO RUN!!!!!!!

anyways, everyone but hotmess #2, whore, mystique butt slut, and obviously joke and his roommates (salt and pepper) left! We stayed up late that night watching horror films. By the way, dont ever watch the human centipede, it was fucking disgusting and gross and disturbing, and chainsmoking is the only thing that got me through that movie... and i don't get grossed out. SO! that's about it. That was last weekend and I'm ready to move on with my life. More stories involving the madtown possee coming this december!!!

Madtown Nights #3

The third night in Madison was an exciting one! It was the night that "Mystique Buttslut", "Whore", "Z", were showing up, they were all riding in "Hotmess #2's" car! In the other car was "Drunken Bamf" (after this weekend she is a drunken bamf), "Mermaid" (a nickname he was given over the weekend), and "Twacked out motherfucker"! It was Friday night and we were feelin tah hit da town! There was a house party that "Joke" said was close, and we could all go too. My friends proceeded to get shitfaced. Mystique Buttslut was smoking bowl after bowl and taking shot after shot. It's fine. She was also dry humping everyone (her form of a lapdance), "Winehouse" was getting all PDA with her hump of the month, "Whore" was dancing with "Hotmess #2", while "Z" and "Drunken BAMF" ran around and socialized with everyone. "Twacked out motherfucker" and the rest of the guys proceeded to smoke bowls with "Mystique Buttslut". I ran around and met new people, took pictures, and laughed at all the embarrassing shit I'd remember but they'd all forget. We started to walk to the "close party" which ended up being like a zillion miles away, and I was freezing because 1.) It was fucking cold out. 2.) I'm used to Florida weather 3.) I do not drink, so i had no drunk blanket 4.)I was in a rather skimpy costume. This party was not close at all, we arrived and the party sucked. There was no dancing. There was no music. There was nothing fun about it, and Hotmess #2 got very sick, and was well, a hotmess. So I, along with "Drunken Bamf", "Z", Hotmess #1, and "Twacked Motherfucker" walked back... it was a long fucking walk again. Oh and did I forget to mention that buttslut broke my toe on the way to the party by drilling her stiletto into my fucking foot? Well she did, and it hurt. We made it back to the apartment, changed into comfy clothes, made food, and cranked up the music. "Twacked Motherfucker" and "Hotmess 1" had naked escapades in the room where all of our shit was, so we bothered them, and threw ice at them. It was great. We finally got our shit out of the room and throughout the next couple of hours people continued to come over and it was a party. Everyone got back safely, and around bedtime "Whore" slept in one of the guys beds, and we proceeded to fuck with her. I taped the doorway with clear, thick masking tape and she ran right into it. We discovered our friend "mermaid" was shaped exactly like a mermaid, thus the new nickname. We also came to a consensus that "whore's" vagina is bigger than the population of China. We then went to bed.

Madtown!

Ok so I had to blog about Madison... and my friends knew this. The only condition was that, because I was sober the whole time (obviously) and remembered everything, and didn't do anything stupid, I had to use code names...

Night #1) I arrived in Madison, WI in the evening on Wednesday, and was told I needed to take a cab, which was not a big deal because I wasn't going far. The cab driver was scary and kept calling me a city slicker... I paid him $10 so I could smoke in his cab. I arrived at "Joke's" house and met his two roommates "Salt" and "Pepper". Both very nice people. "Salt" would be staying at his girlfriends place that weekend due to the mass amount of people staying with "Joke". "Pepper", however was staying. Then "Winehouse" walked over to "Joke's" apartment to meet up. We all chatted and hungout and I went back to "Winehouse's" dorm and met her roommate and saw some old schoolmates from Hopkins. That was interesting. That's about it for the first night

Night #2) The second day was fun. I walked around town, and for those of you who have never been to Madison, it's beautiful! So I walked around, hung out and caught up more with "Joke". Then "Hotmess" and "Gaga" showed up. "Hotmess" is a friend from highschool and "Gaga" is her friend from college. It was fantastic to see "Hotmess" and very nice to meet "Gaga" (who was a very fun person). That night we were going to a local show by a group called The Dirty Disco Kids. "Hotmess" lived up to her name and got wasted, and was a-stumblin everywhere. I was in my costume (70's porn star) which was freezing and "gaga" said the best quote of the night with "Stay close to me, I'm like a polar bear, I give off a lot of heat". It was fantastic. So we got to the show and I ran into an old friend Ado, and hung with her most of the night. It was great too see her, it'd been awhile and she was only going to be in town a few hours, or for the night or something, so I kicked it with her. While with Ado "Hotmess" got up on stage and danced and then fell off, and "Joke" was kicked out of the show for smoking the reefer. The show ended right after he was kicked out though. We walked back and went to bed.

Ill post nights 3-6 at a later time...

Jawbreaker Continued

I'm finally back. The last couple of weeks have been hectic. I needed to do an assload of school work and was bummin' about it But hey, that's life. Then last week on Wednesday I jumped on a plane to Madison, WI (also known as MADTOWN!). I just got back last night (more on Madison later).

I am now at 950 licks on my Jawbreaker, and nowhere near finished. Here's a photo of the Jawbreaker at 850 licks:

The Biznasty Jawbreaker Experiment

I've decided to take on the most tedious activity known to mankind. To finish a jawbreaker completely without breaking it, without sucking on it, purely finish it by licks. I will continue to blog about this project until completion. I bought the jawbreaker yesterday afternoon. I will also be keeping tallys on the number of licks, hours, days and weeks it takes to finish this thing.

Day #1: New Jawbreaker, 0 licks:











Day #2: 400 licks, the first bit of color is showing through, it's yellow once you get past white... god it's fascinating.










Background Information:

Jawbreakers are made by slowly depositing layers onto a core (such as a single sugar grain or anise seed). Jawbreakers are made in large, rotating, heated pans. The candies take several weeks to manufacture, as the process of adding liquid sugar is repeated multiple times (more than 100 times over two weeks to make a one inch ball). Color and flavor are also added during the panning process. A 2004 episode of the Discovery Channel television program MythBusters episode subsection named Exploding Jawbreakers then demonstrated that heating a jawbreaker in a microwave oven can cause the different layers inside to heat at different rates, yielding an explosive spray of very hot candy when compressed; MythBusters crew members Adam Savage and Christine Chamberlain received light burns after a jawbreaker exploded





and finally... the process... how a jawbreaker is made... it is possibly the most fascinating candy process ever.

Biznasty in a nutshell.

So... I have been sleep walking every night and buying resses peanut butter cups and eating them in my bed... I keep waking up with dried chocolate on my face and wrappers all up in my bed. I'm using my laundry quarters to do this... this is unacceptable... it really is... I'm about to killa bitch. It needs to stop.

I also am proud to say that I on my own am developing a Boston accent. It's exciting. The key to a Boston accent is, foget all r's in woods, an uh yous gotta say uh afta and, and I. and uh, i uh, and uh add s's to yo yous, and with woods endin in an a (such as idea) add an r at the end, i gotta idear fo what tah do tahnight. if yous have to use an r, its said like Ah, like haaht (fo "heart"). I love the people fom boston and this is not insultin meh fends, i wanna be fom boston too.