Dying in the Land of Crunchy Sluts

I'm dying. That's to put it simply. It all started three weeks ago... I got what I thought was just your average cold, but really it was a cold sent to me by satan himself. motherfucker. I thought we were friends. ANYWAYS. I have like 19 billion upper respiratory infections to slightly exaggerate. It was more like 18 billion. So I was dying and then I like got better cause now im on these antibiotics and have nose spray shit. but for 3 weeks i've been like legit sick. fever of 84 and all. So i've made a little diagram for you guys, so you could see what was going on in my body!!!!






I know... SCARY SHIT, right? Well I'm doing better now, which is chill, but i'll tell you what, while I was on my goddamn death bed those sons of bitches over at that damn "Make A Wish Foundation" wouldn't send me a celebrity to make me feel better... I would've settled for that bitch with 8 kids from that show "John and Kate Plus an Eightball", or like that little whore from icarly.



Oh and so where those crunchy sluts come in... let me just tell you a thing about Florida, it is the only fucking place where the goddamn 50 year old mothers dress sluttier than their hooker-breath daughters. I don't want to go to the mall and see you walking around in stilettos with your spider vein covered legs, and your dry vagina that leaves crusty flakes everywhere because youre not wearing underwear and youre weary a headband for a skirt, and dont let me forget... the saggy boobs... theyre like untied shoelaces, you have to watch where you step. So put on some goddamn clothes and let your daughters be the skanks around town.